


Good Luck with That

by Erica_T



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:12:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erica_T/pseuds/Erica_T
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Times that the Black Widow divorced Hawkeye for the 'Job' and the one time that he married her for Real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Luck with That

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to Avengers fanfiction, this is the first story that I've managed to complete from start to finish, and hopefully more will make their way from my notebooks and into the computer. I hope you enjoy it!

Good Luck With That 

Or 

Five Times the Black Widow divorced Hawkeye for the 'Job', and the one time he married her for Real.

1

Natasha lobbed a packet of paperwork at him from across the room.  
“What's this?” He asked as he caught it deftly in one hand.  
“Divorce papers. 'Nellie' and 'Carson' Cole still have to sign them and submit them to the High Court of Arizona.”  
“Seriously? Couldn't Coulson just magic this away with a click of a button?”  
She shook her head.  
“Apparently not. Since we actually had a ceremony and physically signed paperwork at the Tuscon courthouse, we've got to physically sign the divorce as well.”  
“Did we at least submit interesting grounds?”  
Natasha shrugged.  
“I don't know, I didn't read it.”  
Clint paged through the document.  
“Eh. Irreconcilable differences. How boring.”  
“What would you prefer it to read?” She asked while he dutifully signed 'Carson's' name to the papers. It was his turn to shrug.  
“I don't know. I've decided that I'm madly in love with my brother's horse and we're running away to a ranch in South Dakota, and you're addicted to gambling on one legged cock fights, maybe.”  
The slight pursing of her lips was the only indication that she found any of that even remotely amusing. Two years ago, he wouldn't have been able to tell even that.  
“I think you'll find that at least one of those grounds are illegal. Or at the very least, worthy of launching an investigation.”  
“Ah yes. And we wouldn't want that to be investigated, would we?”  
He signed the second copy and handed them all back to her without another word. 

2

“Next please.” The clerk eyed the pair standing in front of her desk.  
“Annulment?” She asked, and the woman nodded.  
“We were much too drunk to be standing, let alone getting married.” She said evenly. The man beside her nodded in agreement.  
“You realize that this is Las Vegas, right? This happens here a lot.”  
They both nodded and she dutifully processed the paperwork for signature once they handed her their ID's and the license from one of the many wedding chapels to be found on the strip. Natalie Rushman and Craig Barlow were to her just another couple of people who'd let Vegas get the better of them, it happened all the time. Though, she did notice that when they were called in, Craig walked with a bit of a limp and Natalie never seemed to stop scanning the room. But, there were several other couples waiting, and it wasn't until after all the craziness with the shooting and the evacuating that she remembered that neither of them were in the least bit hungover. 

3

“Oh, come on Coulson, not again!” Clint growled when he was presented with a set of paperwork.  
“I've told you before, if there's an actual ceremony with witnesses and everything, there's traceable paperwork. Anna and Niko Serdechnev married in front of a good 50 witnesses and there was a newspaper announcement.”  
“That was not our fault.”  
“Immaterial. Sign the paperwork please.”  
“Oh good, they're even in Russian, that's nice.” Clint muttered. Natasha was already skimming through them. They'd been on a long, deep undercover op in a rural community, she wasn't surprised that it had needed to be official.  
“This is the last time, Nat, I swear. I'm not signing any more of these. Especially not in Russian.” Clint groused.  
Natasha though, was finding it hard to keep amusement at bay, and snorked out a laugh. That in itself caught Clint's attention immediately, because Natasha never, ever, snorked. And if she did, all witnesses had been permanently silenced.  
“What? What's funny?”  
“Our grounds for divorce.”  
“Oh, did we get something good this time, do tell!”  
“Apparently your affinity for American 80's pop music has let me to question your manhood, and you are alleging that I perform pagan rituals with the cat.”  
Clint laughed loudly as he signed Niko's name with a flourish.  
“Exciting enough for you, Barton?” Coulson asked as he took the papers back.  
“It'll do. Aren't you worried it'll cause a stir?”  
Coulson shrugged.  
“It's not the strangest grounds ever seen in a Russian court.”  
Both Clint and Natasha decided that they didn't want to know. 

4

The lawyer was slimy. That was the only word that could possibly describe him. It fit him very well though, if he was a front for arms dealing, he was bound to be a sleaze.  
“Alright then, Mrs....Allan. Can you tell me exactly what your reasons are for divorcing your husband?”  
“He's having an affair with his secretary.” She said.  
“Infidelity, perfect. And, are you currently employed?” He asked, eyeing her up and down.  
“I am not. I have been his glorified housekeeper for five years.”  
“May I ask, was there a pre nuptual agreement?”  
“No. We didn't think we needed one.”  
She was hitting all the right notes. Bitter, angry and sad, and he was falling for it, hook, line and sinker. She loved easy marks like this. All she had to do was plant the listening device in his desk and he was already giving her the opportunity.  
“Well I think this will be straightforward enough, as long as he doesn't contest the settlement details. We'll ask for your due as having been his legal spouse for the past five year period. Let me just go and get the print out for you.”  
When he left the room, Natasha slid the wire from her pocket and fastened it under the top of his desk. She was finished well before he came back into the room, and when he did, he handed her the papers.  
“Look these over, and I would suggest speaking with your husband on your own first, and come back to see me if he refuses to sign. Then we'll worry about his lawyer, and the rest of the process at that point.”  
“Thank you so much!” She simpered as she stood.  
“Not a problem Ms. Allen. We'll take good care of you here.” He offered her an oily smile as he checked her out top to bottom again, even as he shook her hand. She left the office trying to resist the urge to wipe her hand on her skirt.  
When she met Clint at the coffee shop three blocks away, she grinned at him as she handed him the papers.  
“So then, whether I sign these or not will depend on what we hear on the tap.” He mused, and Natasha agreed.  
“Did you get the tracer on his car?”  
“Yes, it was dead easy too, fit nicely under the hubcap.”  
“Well, now we just wait.”  
“Looks like. Another coffee?” 

5

“Are you going to headquarters today?” Natasha asked him when she came into the common area of their new digs at Stark's Tower.  
“Yeah, I'm field training a new set of recruits today. One of them's Lewis, gonna be fun.” He grinned over the 'Ammo' magazine he was reading.  
“Good, you can take these back to Hill then, and make sure she signs off on the requisition. I don't want to have to pay Shield back for them.”  
She chucked a small box at his head, which he would have caught easily, had Stark not suddenly materialized out of nowhere and snatched it out of the air.  
“Hello, hello, what have we here?”  
“Jesus, Stark! What air vent were you hiding in? That's my territory!” Clint exclaimed.  
“Are these wedding rings? Why does the Russian Spy Queen have wedding rings? And why is she throwing them at you? Something we should know about?”  
Natasha rolled her eyes and draped herself across one of the chairs.  
“That's classified, Stark.”  
“Seriously? Should I be throwing a belated stag party here? Please say yes.”  
“No, Stark.”  
“Then dish. Give me something, or I'll tell Pepper and Foster that they owe you a Bachelorette.”  
“Ugh. Fine, Stark. It was an op, okay? The one two months ago when Shield was tracking a human trafficking ring through a social services office in Miami. We were posing as a couple on the verge of a divorce, but looking to try marriage counselling.”  
“Marriage counselling. To stop a human smuggling ring.” The disbelief in Stark's voice was palpable, and Natasha considered it a personal win that she resisted the urge to punch his smirk off his face.  
Clint snatched the ring box from Stark's hand and stuffed it in his pocket.  
“It was located in a low income neighbourhood, lots of transients. We were just there to case the office, it had been the last place a lot of the reported missing persons had been seen, and lots of people move through it.” He told Stark.  
“So you were getting a divorce to do surveillance? That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”  
“Anything goes when you work with Shield. Ask Clint about the time he posed as a sheep farmer to catch an Albanian drug lord.”  
“I'm sure that's a marvellously embarrassing story and I'll be sure to get you drunk some time to get it out of you. But this is exactly why I don't work for Shield.”  
“No, you don't work with Shield because you don't play nice with others and don't like to share your toys.” Natasha told him, smacking his face lightly as she passed him on her way out of the room.  
“Pepper will be disappointed not to get to do your shower you know!” He yelled after her.  
“She'll get over it.” 

 

1

In the end, he'd presented her with a white gold band and suggested taking the entire gang with them to the courthouse.  
They were all still in their mission garb, though Stark was wearing something normal under the suit. He'd texted Pepper, who had promptly rounded up all the women and met them at the courthouse. Darcy had brought and industrial sized package of wet wipes, and had proceeded to fuss over all of them like a mother hen until they were clean enough 'for the photo op'.  
When they were called into the office, Jane had thrust a bouquet of flowers that she'd snagged from a vase on her way out the door, lilies and Irises. They were both borrowed and blue, she said.  
“I don't have anything old.” She'd replied.  
“Sure you do. You've been wearing that suit since we met.” Pepper told her before fluffing her hair and putting her into position in front of the magistrate. There was no argument about who was 'best man', they all just kind of filed in beside him without saying a word, Steve immediately to his right, Tony on the other side, then Thor and Bruce on the end. On Nat's side, the women did the same. Weirdly, she'd bonded the most with Darcy, and Pepper and pushed her into place on her left, jeans and all. Pepper had stood next to Darcy, Jane on Pepper's other side, and they'd managed to snag Betty Ross from somewhere, though he'd be hard pressed to understand how. So there they were, a motley crew of superheroes, super spies, super scientists and ordinary people. All standing in front of a vaguely star struck magistrate, who proceeded in a briskly professional manner that reminded him of Coulson.  
And it was perfect.  
Later, after Darcy had taken plenty of photos at the courthouse, they'd done an impromptu reception at one of Stark's clubs. Jane had blushed profusely when she caught the bouquet, and then again when Darcy and Stark had explained the tradition in detail to Thor. Steve had blushed even redder when a garter was produced from fuck knows where, though he would bank on Darcy visiting a dollar store on the fly, and he just happened to be the one who caught it. Fortunately, he did know that particular tradition and no awkward explanation was required. Though, it was amusing to note that he'd eyed Darcy speculatively, causing her to blush just as much as he had.  
A sufficient quantity of booze had been drunk, and Pepper had produced a nice cake for them, apparently she has a bakery on call 24/7. And after all that was done with, he finally got to take his wife somewhere quiet and glory in the fact that Natasha was really his wife.  
“So this is for real.” Natasha said, when they were naked under the covers of their little motel room.  
“That was the idea. Got tired of divorcing the fake versions of you. This time it's our names on the papers. Even yours in your real name this time around.”  
“Are you sure about that? She teased lightly. He grinned at her.  
“I know all of your names, Tasha. I know which ones are the job and which ones are real.”  
“Hm.”  
“And we have impeccable witnesses. There's no way anyone's going to argue with Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and the Hulk. And even if they did, Darcy would taze them all to hell and back.”  
“It's been a long run, hasn't it?”  
“Yes, it has. But I'm glad we made it this far.”  
“Me too. And I think I'm actually looking forward to seeing where it goes.”  
“I love you Nat.”  
“I know. Я люблю тебя.” She responded in Russian, and he grinned.  
“You know, Pepper probably will still throw you that shower.”  
“I know. I also know that Stark has been fantasizing about throwing you that stag ever since he caught us with those rings. So good luck with that.”

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the end! And yes, I know that number 2 isn't really a divorce, but it was a thought that occurred to me while I was rolling with it.   
> I have developed a love for Steve/Darcy as well as Hawkeye/Widow, so they managed to sneak in a background appearance :)


End file.
